Monday, March 23, 2009

When In Doubt....

A friend of mine had grown up in a Christian home all her life – a Pastor’s home, a godly home – yet for years she struggled with her salvation. She doubted if she had ever been truly saved. True, she had made a childhood profession, but she questioned if she truly understood or meant it back then.

Melissa got assurance of her salvation on March 10, 2009 – and Heaven rejoiced! On March 11, 2009 she announced it during the mid-week service at our church – and the Church rejoiced! On March 15, 2009 she made it public as she was baptized: buried in His likeness, raised to walk in newness of life – and I began doubting.

I wondered if the TWO professions of faith I had made were enough. Had I truly meant it? ANDDDD if Melissa grew up in a Pastor’s home and was always so involved in the different ministries at the churches she had attended – and she STILL wasn’t sure if she was saved… maybe I wasn't either! The doubts began 5 minutes after Melissa got the assurance for her salvation – the minutes I received the announcing text message: “I got saved! No, I’m not kidding! Truly, I just handled it once and for all!” My first reaction was a shocked one, then it turned to extremely happy for her, then it turned to fright. And it stayed as a frightful reaction until March 15.

Melissa made her profession of Christ a public one as she was baptized by our preacher after the evening service. The water heater had broke, so the baptismal was freezing, yet Melissa said she was still willing to go through with it if the preacher was willing. Coming back out of the water, Melissa let out a loud *GASP* -–- apparently the water was colder than she expected it to be! ;)

I quickly left church that night. Doubts filled my mind, and I wanted to be alone so I could think.
I was flying in my car, making it home in record timing – about 35 minutes. Honestly, it’s probably not wise to be driving between 15 and 20 mph over the speed limit, steering with your knee, and texting people all at the same time when you’re doubting your salvation. But then again, I’ve always done stupid things....

When I got home that night, I went straight to my room, got ready for bed, and whipped out my Bible. I needed some answers, and I had every intention of having a long talk with God that night.

I randomly opened my Bible up to the New Testament gospel of Mark 5:24 – 36....

[24] And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.
[25] And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,
[26] And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,
[27] When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.
[28] For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.
[29] And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.
[30] And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?
[31] And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
[32] And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.
[33] But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.
[34] And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.
[35] While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue's house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?
[36] As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.

The first thing that caught my eye was when Jesus asked who had touched him. Then verse 33 says: “But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.”

That was exactly what I was doing. I was afraid of being unsaved, so I had outpoured my heart to the Lord. I kept telling him ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

The next verse then caught my eye: “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” My "plague" was fear, worry, doubt - so that was a little more comforting.... but I still wasn’t convinced. I was still afraid. What if I was only trying to make myself believe I was bound for Heaven? What if I really wasn’t though – what if my eternal destination was still Hell??

I was crying. I kept asking Him to give me a peace if I was already saved. I just wanted to remember. I needed assurance. I needed peace again. I wanted the worry to disappear.
......AND THEN, as if it were glowing with a glorious light, this verse seemed to pop from the page: “Be not afraid, only believe.”

That was all I needed. I felt an instant peace. I was so thankful. I slept so well that night, and I woke up with a smile on my face the next morning – and every morning.

I remember it clearly. I remember sitting in the SilverDome as Steve Pettit preached a booming message on Hell. I was 12 years old, and I was scared out of my mind. I walked the isle that night (or the stairs, rather) and was shown with a Bible how I could know for sure that I would go to Heaven when I die. I remember crying uncontrollable as my sin-debt was washed as white as snow. I remember the heavy burden being lifted. I remember the instant joy I felt. I remember it all as if it was yesterday. I’m so thankful for a Savior who loves and keeps me through everything, no matter what“there ain’t nothin’ better than Jesus!”
I claim the blood! I rely on Jesus alone - and I trust the truth of His Word!

This song says it all. It's called....

“I Take Him Back”

Verse I:
Now it's been some time since I made up my mind
To make Jesus Lord of my life—
I've withstood the fear and shed many tears,
But patience has stood by my side!
When I hear Satan say “you're really not saved,
You're traveling down the wrong track”—
I recall once again where grace withstood sin:
Down memory's lane I take him back!

I take him back to the time at an old-fashioned meeting
When the presence of God filled the air—
When the saints were singing of grace and glory,
Sweet melodies seasoned with prayer—
When one simple sermon from an old-fashioned preacher
Was life to a poor dying slave—
I walk him down the aisle to a place at the altar
Where grace fell and I know I got saved!

Verse II:
I never knew love 'til it came from above
And took its abode in my heart—
The sun now shines brighter, my burden is lighter
Since Jesus gave me a new start!
My songs have been changed – my life rearranged,
My journey is now a new road—
And when that old accuser tells me I'm a loser
I remind him how he lost my soul!

(Chorus Again)

(Words and music by Gerald Crabb)


  1. I read this on my phone and I JUST HAD TO turn my computer on so I could leave a comment on it. I too am excited for Melissa and hsve been several times where you were. Scared. Unsure. And doubtng. I'm glad that God gives us His Word to guide us and help assure us of the wonderful git He has given us. You have a great testimony and a great spirt. ;)

  2. and by the way... love your layout. so cute. and you are so talented. :)

  3. haha! thanks!
    That's what a slow day at work will do for you --- constantly look up articles and redesigning layouts! ;D


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