Sooo… I’m back to square one. Worry. Worry. Worry. Worry more. Worry. *blah* Though my job is secure, my particular position is not. *long story* So I wait… and guess what…? Yep, I worry. *stupid* I know better. I have Someone watching all this unfold, and He’s smiling. Why? Because it’s HIS plan. And He gets excited... Knowing His children don’t always understand what’s happening – but that’s the exciting part. It’s like someone who’s written a book that’s now being filmed – the author knows how the end of the story will turn out – but the viewers sit on the edge of their seats… waiting. God is my author… I’m just along for the show.
Discouragement is something that I don’t battle with often… but when I do, it’s pretty bad. The worst one was a 7-month time period, *which-h-h… we shall refrain from speaking of*. :) When the University told me it would be at least 2 more years worth of classes (ABOVE AND BEYOND my Associate’s Degree) before I would even be eligible to be admissible to their college heavy discouragement set in. I have seriously never felt so much like I have been wasting my time than I did at that moment. I called Mom to let her know what I had found out, and then I said: “Mom… I’m just so upset right now. I’m really discouraged…” Her answer: “Don’t be discouraged, Heather… because God’s got a plan in all this. Don’t forget that.” *about 20 seconds of silence for me to choke back the grateful tears* “Yeah… I guess you’re right. He’s got to have a plan… He always does.”
ANDDD… that plan set in less than 24 hours later… which I will share with you at another time.
Stress and anxiety have become pretty good friends of mine. Not by MY choice – but there they are. School – when coupled with a 40+ hour job, teaching private piano lessons, and church ministries – stresses me out. I’m anal when it comes to my grades. In my opinion, anything below an “A” is unacceptable. I really beat myself up over it. Last semester I was so stressed I had a constant twitch in my left eye half-way through the semester – the twitch didn’t stop until about 2 days after my last final. And I LET myself stress out. Wait… what’s that verse…? Oh yeah… “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (I Peter 5:7). Calming. Soothing. Reassuring. Encouraging. Stress-relief. *sighh-h-h-h*
While soaking in a bubble bath the other night, I began deeply thinking (as I often do). What’s the difference between “happiness” and “joy”? HAPPINESS is something that is based on circumstances. When things are good, I’m happy. When things aren’t good, I’m not happy. JOY is something that can never be taking away from me (“…your joy no man taketh from you” (John 16:22b). Sure, I can choose to “lose my joy” – but others can’t take it from me. I like to think of it this way: Happiness is earthly; joy is heavenly. Joy comes from the Lord (Galatians 5:22). I can still have a smile on my face – even if the economy stinks; even if I don’t agree with the political leaders; even if I lose my job; even if I fail my classes; even if everyone in this world forsakes me. I may not be “happy”… :) but I can still have my joy.
I don’t think God is laughing at this particular *ceiling* of mine… but instead, perhaps He’s whispering to the angels: “Finally… she’s starting to get it…!” :)