My best friend (Sarah Pruitt) used to write unique little questions (little questions, but deep ones) on her ceiling because her bed was like a foot from it. She told me I need a ceiling to write my musings and questions on… THIS is my ceiling… or at least one of the many…
Sometimes there is a loss for words… or at least, I am at a loss for the “right” words. I have something to say, but I don’t know how to say it. Or perhaps, I DO know how to say it, but I’m afraid of hurting someone. Silence and I have never been real good friends, but lately I have become better acquainted with it – and, most likely, it’s for the better.
So often I get worried that my plans won’t be fulfilled. Sometimes I question if God really knows what He’s doing… but then I remember that the clay has no right to accuse the Potter of being unfaithful to His work.
Sometimes I let myself get sick because what I WANT is not what HE WANTS, and it causes unrest in my heart. Seriously? What am I thinking? What’s meant to be will always find it's way. God doesn’t need my help. After all, He is God, you know…? It seems silly that I’m willing to trust Him with my eternal security, but not with my temporary, “like-a-vapor” life here on earth. *pfft*
And then there’s that aspect of loneliness. Constantly surrounded by people, but having the feeling of being alone… which is completely ridiculous because I have a Comforter who never leaves me and will not forsake me.
Tell me… what is God’s will? How do I know when I’ve found His purpose for my life? I don’t expect a great thundering noise, lightning flashing, and a giant hand writing on the wall – but a still, small voice would be nice. Or even a “sign” from Him. Perhaps His will is found only by taking it one day at a time, and trusting that the One Who holds the future of the world also carries me in the palm of His hand – and He never sleeps.
Since when does my opinion matter? Since when do people care what I have to say? Since when does God care what I think? Correct: It doesn’t matter. Many say “God said it. I believe it. And that settles it for me.” However, I believe the better way to say it is: “God said it. And that settles it for me.” It matters not if I believe it or not… what God said, goes. End of discussion. Period.
I have limits. I don’t like being pushed around, getting my toes stepped on, or being asked to do virtually “the impossible”. But sometimes it’s asked of me… or IS it? Maybe what I think is completely impossible for me to do really isn’t – but when looking at it from where I’m standing it looks like Mt. Everest is in front of me, and I must climb it… in one hour… barefoot. See… impossible. But from where God is sitting, everything’s all down-hill from there… literally. Oh, the irony… how He must laugh!
I have much to learn… and I take it as it comes. Ready and willing.